You know the most amazing thing about a movie, is it can move you. Sometimes to tears. Well, back in 2002, my favorite animated movie is released. Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron. Today, I’m back together with my old movie, and didn’t expect all this emotion, stemming from my memoirs.
I found the soundtrack a few weeks ago after 10 months of searching for it. Because I had already purchased the album I wasn’t going to do so on iTunes. I knew we had the soundtrack somewhere and found it from mom.
She was downloading the original album All directed by Hans Zimmer, and sung by none other than the man himself – Bryan Adams. I almost cried with joy. My lullaby could sing me to sleep again.
I got my first iPod touch in 2008 or something and had to get rid of it. It was old slow and no longer charged. I had been without Bryan Adams voice on my speakers in a long time. I missed that soundtrack.I mean this literally.
Today, I found one of the old songs shuffling on my iPod. Brothers Under The Sun.
I’d completely forget about the other songs that touch my heart so deeply, like my lullaby. I found the movie online and gladly watched it. I started to sing without realizing I was singing, to This Is Where I Belong. And I started to – even now, thinking about it – become very emotionally attached to home. Where I belong. By emotionally attached, when I re watched the scene where he is guarding his beautiful home, I was weepy.
I don’t realize sometimes how much I empathize with that song. How much I can feel the words deep in my chest. I feel his music, especially the Spirit soundtrack. His heart wrenching, beautiful and gruff voice makes it all the more intense. But he has such a softness, a real connection with the song he wrote. I get through the scene but I paused a few times to breathe and try not to start crying out loud.
So I was watching along and doing fine until what do you know, Sound The Bugle comes on.
He’s helpless. His Indian friend, named Little Creek, basically was crying that Spirit, quite impossibly, saved his life. Spirit thinks that the love of his life is dead, and there is nothing left for him. I had no idea how much I related to that song until I watched the movie again.
I now remember that moment. That song. That scene. That realness. I’s riding in the backseat. Nine years old. Starin’ out the window. Cout’n the highway poles. (Another song reference but a real scenario none the less). We were driving out there for a Thursday overnight, and were listening to the soundtrack. Then Sound the Bugle comes on.
I can remember trying not to cry. Bryan keeps reality close, reminding me that, yah life sucks. But you get through it because you have to. And in a swell of emotion, he reminds me that when there is darkness, there will always be a light.
Back in the present moment of re-watching my old go-to: I was remembering that I felt trapped and hopeless.
The animated horse was making me cry when he is on the train and the snow turns into a manifestation of his long-lost family. He was so far away from his home and he was sick with longing. Lord help me, I knew exactly what he felt.
When I watch that movie, I am in that train being trapped by ropes, pulled away from the one thing I wanted to stay with. That’s what I think got me too. I was in that situation before. Helpless. Hopeless.
If sobbing were described by a picture, it would be that face I made!
I frowned at myself and was like, “Why am I so damn emotional!”
I think what it was, was mainly this: it was all the history I have with Bryan Adams. I’m passionate towards him in a way hard to explain. It’s a deep connection to every song. I remembered tonight exactly how much his soundtrack for this animated 2002 movie meant to me. Even though I didn’t realize at the time.
In my heart, that soundtrack is the closest to me. Because of his songs. Jack and I would sing those songs in the back seat of the car.
We would cry and fake cry (me and my brother respectfully) to Sound the Bugle. We literally, grew up on that album and that man. Then when I downloaded the album to my iPod when I was old enough to get one, This is Where I Belong would sing me to sleep every night.
And he gave me hope. Those songs on the record gave me hope. He gave me an anchor to reality when I thought I’d wake up late at night at my dad’s house again, waiting for him to appear at my door. When I’d hear that song, I would know it was just a nightmare, and that my mom was just down the hall.
I know that God used this soundtrack to help me. And Bryan Adams will never see or hear about this. Never will he see him sing me to sleep almost every night. Never will he know about what he got me through nor what it means to me. It’s something I can’t even put into words.
I can just remember the many nights, I sang, You Can’t Take Me, and Get Off Of My Back to myself while at my dad’s house. I Will Always Return and the Finale Version of it, would be when I was going home. Then This Is Where I Belong would play for hours. Usually, it would play all night, every night.
So I think I got so emotional because I can remember all the good times I’ve had listening to Bryan Adam’s unique voice help me. To be pissed off when I needed to, and sang the words I so desperately wanted to get out of me! Or let me sit and feel like a badass to You Can’t Take Me. And know without a doubt that in Christ, my father could never take me.
And then Bryan Adams would let me love with all my heart, on a fictional savior to come and rescue me with Nothing I Have Ever Known.
And then he would let me cry to Sound The Bugle, sometimes for hours if I needed to. He’d let me cry hard and use those beautiful words to tell me that,
“I know that you’re hopeless. You’re out of hope. Won’t someone just play Taps for you. Give you more useless orders. As your life goes on, you remember how you used to be that bright little girl. Now your light’s been stolen. You can’t go on living your life like this. It has no meaning. You feel like you’re nothing more than your broken heart. You’re a soldier, wounded in action, so you have to give up fighting. There’s nothing for you here. Won’t they just leave you be? Won’t someone tell them you don’t care? There’s not a road out of this that leads to anywhere. And without your light, your world is far to dark to see. You’re afraid you’re going to fall. And if you do, you won’t get up. Then from somewhere in your heart, you hear a sweet voice say ‘Remember who you are! If you lose yourself, your courage soon will follow. So be strong tonight. Remember who you are.’ Never give in. Because you have something to fight for. Because you are a soldier, fighting in your own battle to be free. And that is worth fighting for.”
And then when the hope was back for then, I would put on my lullaby.
Thank you God so much for putting the soundtrack in my life. I won’t ever forget that, and I’ll try to remember what it means to me, and not be afraid of the emotion associated with the soundtrack. I had to go through Hell to get where I am. But God went through it with me.
I had God, and the perfect words to sing when all my hope ran out.
Sound The Bugle, here: