A Goodbye Vision

Recently, I’ve been back to Regent. To go so my mentor. I went the first day of class, so that I’d feel I had more time.

The way I left it last time was open-ended. I told him about this blog and I left the church, never to come back. I’d texted him a few times and he’d answer back when he could! I thought I couldn’t be happier. I felt…important.

When I went back to school, that feeling of importance was increased…I felt beautiful with him. Even though I was achy feeling. And sad, and a little angry. But mostly – so damn happy to see him.

He has always meant the world to me. He always will.

We hug each other and there was something beautiful to that hug. Something…incredible. I’ll talk about it tomorrow in my vlog, because I’ll do another happy one.

A few days later I was sitting on my bed. It was late, but like in the other vision, I wasn’t tired. This time it did not overtake me like the other time. I saw a dark picture in my head. I frowned.

It was of the two of us. I was in my khaki skinny jeans in a red sweater, specked with green and yellow. It looked familiar.

I looked upset though, by the way I clung around him. I had my face buried in his chest while my arms rested gently around his neck so I didn’t pull on him. Though, he is quite capable of handling my tiny weight. My hips and legs were closer to his than normal, but I still slightly leaned away.

Suddenly, I see myself shaking and heaving with tears. Just a bit though. I was smothering them in his chest. In his shirt. But it was controlled. I let myself feel and I was not ashamed, but I wasn’t that upset that I couldn’t control my emotions or motions. I saw my friend wince and pull me tighter. His head dipped down on my back… low. He looked down even more and grabbed my shirt  a little, and pulled me tighter as I cried. He mouthed a, “Sh,” and held me tighter again. Time froze and I was back in my bedroom.

I don’t understand what that was about…but maybe it was a way of saying goodbye. God’s way of telling me, let what happened there, the best day with him, be the last time.  Because literally, there was nothing better about our conversation and that hug. There will never be a greater moment with him. That bond is forever ours..that moment where I could be his daughter.

Maybe that vision was my mentors way of talking to me. He is quite special and I’ve had connections with people before, such as Tolly;

But maybe that was the closure I needed. I didn’t want to leave one more door opened. I needed to close it for my own sake. So…I guess now I know.

I’ll talk to you soon. Just needed to let this one go.

There will be a fun hug video explaining a little more in detail of what happened at school that day. It was the most special I’d ever felt with him.

(And to you, I love you.)

And to all my readers, the same to you…namaste


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