Dreams of my Desires

I have felt what love is. My Lord and Savior loves me so much that he gave me Jesus and my mentor. Last night I had a powerful dream about being protected, which is something I wished so much to have before. This is my dream or the part that mattered. My family divorced when I was a young girl, and we were to go back and forth between parents at any given time. In the bedroom is when I begin my dream:

I wake up in my dream, confused, and my head felt fuzzy. I look around, attaining where I am, and come to realize that I am back at my father’s home. Fuzzy turned to fear as I realized this fact. I look around for the door to my bedroom, and it is open. I realize I am alone. I bolt for the door. I race down the stairs and sees it has aspects of my mother’s home, my haven. However, the downstairs is as I remember it but it was in the way of the front door. No, I realize that it had replaced the front door. I was trapped…again.

A table is now in the kitchen area, and where the table had before been placed, a kitchen was. The couches in the living room a few feet adjunct to the kitchen were not formed as they should be. Somewhere toppled.

All of the sudden, as I think I’m safe for the time being, this cute little dog, or so I think, starts smothering me with attention and licks. I did not fear it, but it began to get uncomfortable. The dog then tackled me to the ground. He weighed little, but it felt a huge pressure on me. I crumpled to my knees and began trying to get this thing off of me. It jumped on my back and started to smother me more. It was a tiny dog, as I said, with an enormous weight. It had “bigger on the inside” properties. I was starting to get upset, and my breathing became labored.

Out of the corner of my eye I see another animal. A lion. I hear the lion roar as loud as thunder. As it does I am given both physical and emotional strength back in order to give it one last push off of me.

As I was trying to breathe, I’m beginning cry, wishing I had some way out, to go home. I noticed now that I was a little girl again, not the eighteen-year-old that woke up and dashed towards the door.

The dog became more violent with licking. It was almost biting now. Then finally, he settled on me. It was huge now. My fear, I believe made it grow; and I couldn’t move a muscle because it was so big.

Then all of the sudden, as soon as I was about to lie down and let what happens, I am given one last spark of energy and will to push this thing off. Out of the corner of my eye I see another animal. A lion. I hear the lion roar as loud as thunder. As it does, I am given both physical and emotional strength back to give it one last push off of me. I push outwards with my arm right into the dog’s gut, and it flies into the wall and is knocked unconscious. A second later it disappeared.

The lion was gone too so I stumbled over to the opposite corner and put my head in between my knees and cry.

I wake up later that night, same dream, back where I was. In my “fathers” room that he had for me to sleep in. I was worried that it was to happen all over again. All of the sudden I’m on my feet as the 18-year-old. I am fully dressed in my favorite pair of Levi’s.

I am now curious as to where I am. It doesn’t feel the same. I don’t know where I am. But all of the sudden, I hear the door open. I know for sure that it’s my mentor, so I call out his name. It was a reactionary response.

I covered my mouth in shame. I hear nothing but footsteps so I am worried that it is not my dear friend. My friend would rescue me, not shame me further or scare me. I look out to see who it is.

It was my mentor! I was so relieved. He smiled at me with this precious, individual smile that he gives me all the time in real life and just stares at me with a careful, warm, assuring look. As he gets to the top of the stairs, I throw my arms around his waist and hug him. He puts a gym bag that he had been holding down and hugs me back softly, telling me that it was going to be just fine with his body language.

I pull away, still clung to his hip, and say,

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know where I am! Help me?”

He smiled at me again, putting his hand on my shoulder and he said,

“Don’t worry, Hailey. I’ll get you home.” I hug him again, and I closed my eyes, embracing this moment. These times, in real life, does not often happen. When it does it is one of the safest places and when I’m scared, I think back to being in his arms.

I open my eyes, and we pulled away. I stand there looking for a moment. Suddenly, we are outside. It is bright as day outside, and we are in a dark part of Suffolk, Virginia. Suffolk is big, and there are places you just don’t go. This is one of them.

I am following him back to his car, and he graciously waits for me. I’m still shaky, but I know I’m safe with him. He opens the door for me and puts himself in front of the hinge in the door, so he can look more forward at me once I climb in. I look at him with almost desperate eyes. ‘not again’ they say. Leaning down a bit and looking me in the eyes he says, “You’re safe, sweetie. I’m gonna get you home. Relax.” I smile and do as he says.

He frowns for a second, leans forward and then grabs a blanket from the back. He puts it over my knees smiles and shuts the door. I quickly curl up with it and smile with childlike innocence. The blanket was one my grandmother’s, who was my hero when she was alive. Sometimes, when I’m back, in reality, I smell the blanket, and I smell her cigarettes.

As my dear friend quickly gets to the drivers side, he starts the car then leans over and pats my knees once. He smiled that beautiful smile, and we pull away. As we are backing up, I blink out tears of happiness and look forward. It is almost sunset and I am starting to relax. I frown as I see something odd. A lion standing on a small hill. The same lion that had given me the strength, I realize, to push the dog off of me. I look more closely at this lion and it is Aslan from the movie, The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. I had just watched that movie before going to bed. I love this film and the Christian symbolism. Aslan being Jesus the sacrifice for Edmund and mostly the whole land. I look at the lion in sort of disbelief, it smiles at me in a confident, protective, loving smile and then …..

I wake up. I wake up from this dream. And I smile. As I go back, I can point out some things that could be used as interpretation. I was scared recently and that was the source of fear. The dog I think represents something big, something scary, something I believe could overpower me. My friend coming was the earthly thing that God used to comfort me, even though I didn’t have him there at the time, he would always come for me. Also, when he handing me my grandmother’s blanket, it was a sign of comfort from him because of a blanket is just that. For him to give that to me was a sign to me that he knew how to comfort me. And also that my Grandmother was there with me the whole time, watching over me and holding me when I was upset.

The lion is the most symbolic because it represents the God figure in the movie. When he has to give his life to save not just one boy but everyone is the Jesus aspects. In this dream, my God, my beautiful God was telling me that he was always with me, even in my times of hopelessness and darkness. He is patient and kind and sovereign and good and fair. He is perfect, and he will never leave you. He will never force you, but He won’t ever turn away. I still doubt sometimes if He really was there with me, and I know he was. However,  you can believe but still doubt. You never stop believing.

These are some Bible verses that I hope will help you be strong in times of need. All come from the English Standard Version.

“Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.”  (Deuteronomy 31:6)

“For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life. For God did not send the Son into the world to judge the world, but that the world might be saved through Him.” (John 3:16-17)

You never stop believing

“ Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. (James 1:2-4)

”but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8)

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